


How Fast It Can Change

by allixiler



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 19:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30043647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allixiler/pseuds/allixiler
Summary: Sometimes you don't know people as well as you think.
Relationships: Simon (Walking Dead: Saviors) & You, Simon (Walking Dead: Saviors)/Original Character(s), Simon (Walking Dead: Saviors)/Original Female Character(s), Simon (Walking Dead: Saviors)/You
Kudos: 1





	How Fast It Can Change

The Sanctuary was perfect. Too perfect. They had endless supplies, food, basic survival resources. Everything was well put together for the most part, and things usually ran smoothly. You had grown to love living here. You had made friends and acquaintances, as well as gained a lover along the way. You weren’t shy to admit that Simon sealed the deal for you.

The thought of spending everyday with him was enough for you to accept a full time commitment to this place. You had a nice bedroom, plenty of food, a steady job, and a social life of sorts. Having Simon as a boyfriend was the cherry on top. 

You had become quite the item around the Sanctuary. If someone saw Simon, odds were that you were close by, and vice versa. In a way, you were kind of like that one high school couple always running around. Everyone knew you were together, and no one dared to try and break it up. You fell in love quickly, and you were convinced there was nothing in the world that would’ve changed your mind.

His kisses were warm on your skin as he peppered your neck, stirring you from your deep sleep. You inhaled deeply, pushing him away for waking you so early. He had always been more of a morning person than you, so your response wasn’t surprising. His kisses stopped, and you almost fell back asleep before you felt him pulling you back to him and nibbling on your ear. 

You let out an annoyed groan, burying your head into the crook of his neck. He chuckled in a groggy voice. 

“Good morning to you too, baby.” He said sarcastically.

You huffed, wincing at the feel of his facial hair on your cheek.

“It’s so early.” You complained. 

“It’s 6:30.” He replied. 

“I concur.” You sneered.

He laughed again, turning to face the other way, but stopped when you whined in protest. 

“Oh, now you want me?” He asked as if he hadn’t just tried to shower you with attention. 

He brought you into his arms once more, content that you weren’t squirming away anymore. His nose was buried in your hair, and he was really beginning to dread having to get up soon.

“When will you be back?” You asked.

Simon was leaving with Negan and a few other Saviors for a “run of sorts” as Simon had explained it. Something felt fishy about it, but you tried not to ask too many questions. Negan didn’t really go on runs unless it was something major.

“Probably Thursday.” Simon replied.

Your eyes opened wider at that. It was currently Tuesday, which meant they’d only be gone for two days. Something was definitely up.

“That’s all?” You questioned, leaning up on your elbow to look at him better.

He scoffed.

“Well don’t sound so disappointed about it.” He joked.

“No, I mean that runs usually take a lot longer.” You pointed out.

Simon shrugged. Truth was, Simon wasn’t really 100% sure of what they were going to be doing. Although, he had a pretty good idea, and he thought it would be best to leave you out of it.

“It’s just a short run I guess. I don’t really know what to tell you.” He said, hoping you wouldn’t keep dwelling on this conversation.

There was a lot that went on around the Sanctuary that you didn’t know about. Simon saw all the ins and outs of how Negan ran this place, and had become very desensitized to it all. Simon didn’t really have a great radar between what was right and what was wrong anymore. Ever since getting involved with Negan, things had become pretty blurred. 

“You gonna stay busy while I’m gone?” He queried, changing the subject himself.

“Aren’t I always?” You wondered.

“When you’re not late.” He declared.

You laughed out loud, feeling much more awake now.

“Okay, so I’m late MAYBE once a week. If you didn’t keep me up so late then I wouldn’t sleep in.” You argued.

He smirked at that, sitting up to be level with you.

“This is the first time I’ve heard you complain about that.” He said, leaning to kiss you.

You kissed him back before he pulled away.

“Things change, you know.” You said with a nod.

“That they do, darlin’.” 

His alarm clock went off finally, signaling that it was really time for him to get up. He let out a growl, reaching to silence the screaming clock. He looked at you again, a devious smile playing across his features. 

“How about a quickie before I go to work?” He suggested coyly.

You hummed thoughtfully.

“Now who’s gonna be late for work?”

He laughed at your cheekiness, tackling you back onto the mattress, earning an excited shriek from you. He kissed you wildly, your hands roaming over his toned midriff. He hovered over you, stopping only for a moment to look into your eyes.

“I love you.” He purred.

“I love you, Si.” You replied before kissing him again and starting his morning off right.

Simon went to join Negan and his selected crew not long after, prepared for the next couple days ahead. You couldn’t pinpoint it, but the entire time that Simon was gone, you had a weird feeling in your chest. You felt like something horrible was going on, but you couldn’t identify what it was. Everything was business as usual around the Sanctuary, but something in the air was bugging you. 

It wasn’t until they returned on Thursday night that you discovered what it was. And it almost made you physically sick. A group of Saviors had passed you in the hall when you caught the tail end of their conversation.

“Negan apparently obliterated the guy. His brains were squashed out all over the place,” The first Savior claimed; “Right next to his wife too.”

“No kidding! I heard the first guy didn’t even make a sound when Negan “Lucilled” him.” 

You had heard that term before. Everyone knew about Negan’s famous weapon of choice. A baseball bat adorned with barbed wire. It was a nasty weapon that could do some serious damage. You had only heard people refer to it when talking about walkers, but you had a bad feeling that they weren’t talking about the dead. 

You stopped in your tracks. Surely…Negan hadn’t done that to a person. What did they mean by “the first guy”? How many people were involved with this? You did a full 360 and went back the direction you had come from, suddenly not interested in seeing Simon anymore. Your mind was reeling, and you caught yet another conversation from a different set of Saviors.

“It was brutal. My stomach almost couldn’t take it.” A voice that you knew to be Arat spoke out.

“At least it wasn’t another Oceanside situation. Simon was fucking nuts for pulling that stunt.” The older man she was talking to piped up.

You felt your blood run cold. What the hell was Oceanside? What did Simon have to do with it? You knew there was one person you could get some straight answers from. Richie was a pretty laid back guy. Never really got in the way, but was loyal to Negan. One thing you liked about him was that he always told it to you straight. 

As much as you loved that, it made the news so much harder. 

Turns out the “run” wasn’t really a run at all. Negan was scoping out a group in a little community called Alexandria. Negan had rounded them up execution style and brutally killed two of their members. Apparently, they had even taken one of them prisoner. Negan was going to start taking a portion of their resources for the Sanctuary and was planning on stripping them of all their weapons. Negan had even tried to get one of them to cut off his own son’s arm.

As gruesome as that was to hear, that wasn’t the worst of it. 

You asked Richie about Oceanside, and for the first time, Richie was apprehensive to answer. He almost seemed…sympathetic. Eventually, you squeezed it out of him. Part of you wished you hadn’t said anything. 

Richie said it was more of a rumor than anything, but that a few years ago, Simon had apparently wiped out an entire community in one go. People of all ages and backgrounds. Just completely disposed of them all. Negan had seriously considered throwing Simon out on his ass after that, but ultimately decided he was worth a second chance. 

You weren’t sure what was worse. The fact that he had killed an entire community or the fact that he did it without being told to. 

You left Richie in a fog, taking short and shallow breaths because you felt as if you were about to puke up everything you had eaten in the last three weeks. You needed time to process this, and you wanted to be as far away from Simon as possible. 

You returned to your room. You’d be sleeping on your own for the first time in forever. The moment your door was closed, you slid down the back of it and let out a gut wrenching sob, burying your head in between your knees. 

Could the man you loved so much really not be who you thought he was?

You didn’t sleep for the next three days. Words and disturbing images flashing through your head on an endless loop. You stayed away from Simon, Negan, Arat, or anyone that had been there. This was killing you to think that you were involved with a place that did these kinds of things. 

You didn’t want to be involved with that. That was so far from your moral compass that it gave you a headache. The thought of leaving crossed your mind in passing the first time. You could just get up and leave without a trace. No one would ever know when or why. Negan could find someone to replace your job. Someone who had more of a stomach for this sort of thing. There was only one thing keeping you from walking out right that second.

Simon. 

Despite how horribly you felt about this, you still loved him. Undeniably, you’d love him until you couldn’t anymore. He was the greatest thing that had ever happened to you…but you didn’t know if you could live knowing he had such a hand in the way Negan ran this place. You would never be able to justify the way Simon killed all those people. You wouldn’t be able to feel his touch the same again without thinking about what other horrid things he had done with his hands. You couldn’t look into his eyes anymore without wondering how many people he had seen take their last breath.

You’d never see him the same again.

It was hurting you. The thought of leaving him without saying anything. Knowing him, he’d go out looking for you the moment he knew you were gone. So, you decided to tell him, even if it hurt 100x more. Turns out, you didn’t have to go far to find him.

A knock on your door sounded out about midnight. You knew it was him before you even opened the door. You hadn’t seen him in days, and you hadn’t spent a day apart since you had arrived a year ago. It was only a matter of time before he came to find you. You took a breath before opening the door, to reveal a very worried Simon. 

You felt your heart sink into your shoes. This was going to be the hardest thing you had ever done. He looked at you through bleary, red eyes. He had been crying, and his demeanor told you everything he needed to know. 

He knew that you knew.

“[Y/N]…” He breathed out. 

You didn’t say anything. You fought the tears that were threatening to fill your eyes, you didn’t want to cry anymore. 

“I can’t stay here anymore.” You confessed, just above a whisper.

His fears had turned out to be correct. Every neuron in his body shut off and restarted it felt like. He was going to use everything in him, every nerve, cell, vessel, and fiber to fight for you. He couldn’t let you just leave.

“Let me explain.” He said, entering your room.

You closed the door slowly. You weren’t in the mood for excuses.

“You murdered them, Si,” You sighed; “You wiped them out like they were nothing.” 

He let out a shaky breath. He had no way to defend himself. Even he couldn’t defend what he had done.

“That was a long time ago.” He said truthfully.

You shook your head.

“It doesn’t matter. You still did it.” You said calmly. You couldn’t have screamed even if you wanted to.

He was at a loss. He really knew that this was probably it. He couldn’t even blame you for it. 

“And then you just watched…and let Negan kill two innocent people? And then allowed Negan to further traumatize that boy?” You asked incredulously; “He’s a kid, Simon.” 

Tears were streaming both of your faces now. You weren’t looking at him. Your head was lowered and you stared at the tips of your shoes. Your heart was beginning to crack. The more you spoke, the deeper it went. Your voice cracked in sorrow, and your head ached.

“The worst part is even after all that…I still fucking love you,” You admitted; “Do you know how messed up that is?”

He almost chuckled, but he knew better than to. It wasn’t an amused laugh by any means, but he knew what you meant. He walked carefully towards you, standing just a foot or so in front of you. You refused to look at him still.

“We can move past this.” He said, in a final attempt to get you to stay.

You looked at him finally, because you really wanted to read his expression for this.

Your heart panged in your chest

“Can we?” You asked seriously.

His hesitation and lack of an answer told you that he really didn’t know. The fact that there was any question at all was enough for you. You had to leave. You brushed past him to grab your backpack. 

Your heart cracked a little more.

You slung it on your shoulders. He wasn’t putting up a fight, because he knew it was over. You stopped in front of him once more, looking into his watery eyes. If nothing else, you wanted to give him a proper goodbye. Even if he didn’t deserve it.

You kissed him. 

It was deep and slow and full of hurt. It was the most painful kiss you had ever had. He knew it was the last time. He’d likely never see you again. Never feel your skin or wake you up in the mornings by leaving kisses on your neck. 

This was it.

You pulled away first. Not looking at him again. You had to leave now before you were tempted to stay. You walked past him and out your bedroom door, leaving behind your greatest and only love you’d ever know. The door closed with a loud echo. 

Your heart completely broke. 

You cried and cried as you walked out of the Sanctuary. One single thought running through your mind over and over. 

Things really could change.


End file.
